I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want nice things and good sex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
