HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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