I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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