my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
