Life is so much better after having sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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