I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize