I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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