That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize