I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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