Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So squirting runs in the family.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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