bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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