Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
