I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
