A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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