Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All the doctor said was why
I'm both gender and math confused
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize