I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
