oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
