She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
