Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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