Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
