i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
