You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
