I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
