I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
