So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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