i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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