you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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