so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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