yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
