I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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