It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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