I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
