i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
