I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you still have your period?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
