I CAN MOONWALK!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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