So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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