dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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