The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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