u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
