she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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