she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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