i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
