She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
