omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Vodka?
Forever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
