whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
