BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
