I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
