I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
