I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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