i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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