I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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