Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did we literally take a cab across the street
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
