OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
