I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
