I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
