I will die if light touches me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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