we're blogging at a bar
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
