I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
