u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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