on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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