that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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