I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pants are for mortals
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
