apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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