Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
