tell your sister to shave her snatch
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
