Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
