i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
