hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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